Dinner Party from Hell
Author: GokuGirl13@aol.com
Disclaimer: Me? Own this anime? What have you been smoking?
Note: I got the urge to write another humor fic. This is a one-parter so enjoy. P.S. No making fun of Vegeta!
Warning: (You thought that you would never see one of these on my fanfics, didn't you?) Alcoholism, OOC Vegeta (when isn't he?), extreme laughter alert (okay so that one isn't really a warning...). It's also got some veiled humor. In other words it's so subtle that you have to strain yourself to catch it. But when you do...
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The Dinner Party From Hell
The day had finally arrived. The food was finished, the decorations perfect, her outfit was perfect, her families.... okay not so perfect. But it was as good as it was going to get.
"Veggie-chan! Get your short ass down here NOW!"
"Do I have to?" he practically whined.
"Hai, Veggie."
He appeared at the top of the stairs, head hung, shoulders slumped. He had on some navy blue khaki pants, a matching sports jacket, and a white shirt. Looking extremely miserable, he slowly made his way to the main floor.
"Now, that wasn't so bad was it?"
"You don't know the half of it," he muttered as he made his way to the couch to sulk.
Now it was Trunks' turn. The 20 year-old gracefully made his debut. Okay, so he tried but 8 year-old Bra tripped him and he landed head first at the bottom of the staircase.
"Ha HA!" Bra cried, pointing. It seems she was talking her obsession with the Simpsons a little too far.
"I am so going to kill you!" he stood, brushing himself off.
"You gotta catch me first!" she took off down the hallway into the deeper recesses of the building.
"What did I do to deserve such children!" Bulma threw her hands into the air. "I know." She turned to her wayward husband. "They've got too many of your genes." He just rolled his eyes in response and went back to picking at the couch's leather upholstery.
Bulma looked at her watch and began to pace. It was almost time for her guests to arrive.
***
Five minutes to eight o'clock had Bulma standing stiff as a board by the front door. She wrung her hands in anticipation as she watched her family who were beside her.
"Trunks, stop staring at yourself in the mirror. Your hair is fine and you aren't going to get wrinkles within thirty seconds. Bra stop scuffing your shoes against my wooden floor unless you want to scrub it later on. Veggie-chan, stand up straight. Your posture is appalling."
Trunks smirked. "Nervous Kaasan?"
She glared at him briefly. "Trunks dear, unless you don't want to be able to go with Goten to that concert tomorrow you will make a wise decision and NOT SCREW WITH ME! Do you understand?" she finished sweetly.
Trunks blinked and nodded.
"Good!" Then the doorbell rang. "Remember what I said you three." She smoothed her dress down and opened it. Trunks and Bra leaned forward to see who it was that their mother was making them act all proper for. They almost face-faulted when they saw who had arrived.
"ChiChi. Goku. How nice to see you!" She motioned to Trunks to take their coats. "Follow Bra to the parlor."
Goku looked at her blankly and whispered to Vegeta as he was lead by. "What's a parlor?"
"It's a living room."
"Then why didn't she say so?" The short saiyan just shrugged and followed.
"You can come in Goten. Just go with Trunks and don't cause any trouble." She closed the door and leaned against it.
"Hai Bulma-san," he trudged off after his best friend.
The doorbell rang again and this time it was Krillin and Juuhachi-gou. Marron walked in behind them mumbling something about 'boring parties and even more boring people'. Juu-chan shushed her and hugged Bulma.
"How are you doing tonight?" she asked.
"Perfectly fine. The kids and Vegeta haven't done anything wrong.... yet." Juuhachi-gou laughed politely and walked towards Bra. Bulma smiled at Krillin and Marron before they moved to follow her. She had a brief rest period until the doorbell rang again....
***
Bulma stood from her seat at the head of the dinner table and raised her champagne glass. The children had been allowed to come back into the dining-room for just this toast but then they had to go back.
"I would like to propose a toast to no enemies," the rest raised their glasses (and Goku's was filled with water) at the words. Bulma looked to the young ones and raised an eyebrow.
"You may go back now."
"Kaasan!" Trunks whined. "Do Goten, Marron, and I really have to? We're adults you know!" The other two nodded.
"I'm afraid that you do. You just act too childish for my tastes."
"Then Tousan should be here with us too," Goten muttered.
Trunks tried again. "But they're little kids! Brats! Rugra--" He made a slight noise in pain as Pan kicked him *hard* in the shin.
"You take that back!"
"Pan-chan!" Videl and Gohan exclaimed.
She looked down. "Gomen."
Trunks glared at her, rubbing his leg. "You see what I mean?"
Bulma walked over to the small group and made shooing gestures. "Go! Scat! Vamoose! Amscray! Tachisaru!" The three adults sighed heavily and left the room again, the children trailing behind.
***
"Stupid Kaasan, think she's so bad..." Trunks grumbled as they walked towards the family room.
"I wish we could get them back...." Goten said wistfully. Trunks froze in his tracks and grabbed him by his shoulders.
"Goten you're brilliant!"
The young man blinked. "I am?"
Trunks released him and grinned menacingly.
"Oh no.. I know that look. I will not get caught up in another one of your plans Trunks!" He began to back away, hands outstretched.
"But it was your idea."
Goten shook his head frantically and tried to spot an escape route. The only way out of the room was blocked by Trunks and he knew that he wouldn't get around him if his friend didn't want him to. Marron, who was beside Trunks, nodded in agreement.
"I've got the perfect plan..." Trunks gathered the other two in a huddle and they started to confer.
***
Bulma had switched from champagne to water soon after because she knew some of them had a low alcohol tolerance. Like Yamcha for example. The last time they had beer after four cans he was up on the coffee table with a lamp shade on his head singing 'I'm a Little Tea Pot'. They all got a good laugh from it --and lots of polaroids besides-- but still...
"I'll just go get some punch, alright?" She got some brief nods from where the others were in small conversations. She made her way to the kitchen to get the large crystal punch bowl.
***
Goten glanced from the door where he had been standing guard. "Your Kaasan's coming. Hurry!" Trunks and Marron finished pouring liquor into the punch and quickly stirred it up, hoping that she didn't detect it before they all had a few good glasses. The three ran away just as Bulma entered the room.
"Hmm. I could have sworn I heard voices..." she mused to herself as she picked the bowl up and left. Trunks, Marron, and Goten high-fived each other from the back hallway. Phase One was now complete.
***
The spiked punch had been flowing freely throughout the room for some time now. Some, like Vegeta, were already on their seventh glass. The liquor that the two had added made their thirst greater for every glass that they consumed.
Goku thought something was different but he couldn't place it. He had downed that first glass quickly and it had all gone downhill from there. Now he and ChiChi were drunkenly danced to music that only they heard.
Krillin had preoccupied himself with trying to count the flowers on Bulma's table cloth and he kept coming up with a different number each time. "Will ya stay still!" he slurred. "Iie! Don't split into three!"
Juuhachi-gou, being an android, had a higher tolerance. Somehow she had gotten herself engaged in a drinking contest with the resident midget saiyan and they were pretty well evenly matched. And so the eleventh glass was downed.
Gohan and Videl just watched with only slightly dulled senses. They were so caught up in covering every available area of free skin on each others bodies with kisses that they didn't do much else.
Yamcha and Bulma were just staring at each other. Just staring! Then their faces were slowly closing the gap that separated them and Yamcha's fogged mind sparked with happiness. Then his hopes were dashed as Bulma ducked around his body, giggling.
"Can't catch me!" she sang. Yamcha grinned back and the chase was on.
***
Trunks and the other were rolling on the ground at the other's antics. Bra and Pan snuck up behind them and peeked around.
"Whatcha lookin' at?" Bra asked loudly. The three jerked around and promptly shushed her.
"You're not supposed to be watching this. You're too young."
She frowned. "Says who?"
"I do."
"Well you're not my Daddy!"
"Duh!" He turned back around and laughed again as Yamcha collided with the wall and bounced off. The warrior muttered 'Pardon me' before he took off after Bulma again.
Goten wiped the tears from his eyes. "This is a real Kodak Moment!"
Trunks' eyes lit up. "Goten you did it again!"
Goten looked at him warily. "You practically hugged me before. If you're going to add a kiss to that I think I'll pass."
Trunks laughed. "Maybe later."
The look on his friend's face was priceless.
"I'm kidding!"
Goten clutched at his heart. "Don't do that!"
***
Another hour later Bulma and the crew were all walking around like zombies. Krillin yawned hugely and slowly made his way upstairs to catch some sleep. Videl followed him after making Gohan promise he would join her soon. Goku picked up the sleeping ChiChi and went upstairs while Yamcha tried to find his way out of the hall closet.
"Come on Yamcha," Bulma said blearily. "You exit *this* way." She grabbed his arm and tried to lead him out and as she did, Bulma got yanked in. Yamcha giggled drunkenly in the dark and slowly closed the door...
Soon Vegeta was the only one still seated at the table. He stood and lurched over to the staircase intending on going to bed.
***
Goku walked from the bathroom. He had deposited ChiChi in a room but the bad thing was he couldn't remember which one. He just randomly picked a door and entered it. Removing his boots and climbing into bed he turned onto his side.
"G'night ChiChi." he mumbled.
"Good night Krillin," Was the response.
Goku froze. 'Good night Krillin?' He turned over slowly and pulled the covers back from the figure's head. Gasping he fell onto the floor in his surprise.
"Juuhachi-gou!" he jumped to his feet exclaiming.
She sat up quickly. "GOKU?!"
Then Krillin arrived at the door and in his current state he automatically lost it.
"How dare you try to sleep with my wife!" Goku started backing up.
"It's not what it looks like!" Then the ki blasts started getting thrown.
Goku dodged frantically. His reaction time was slowed significantly and he ran toward a door off to the side, closing it firmly behind him.
"Oh! A bathroom!" He saw a connecting door on the side and glanced back to the other one. He saw the pale energy of a Kienzan Disc (Destructo Disc) slicing through the door and panicked. He opened the other door and slammed it shut behind him.
'Good. An empty room.'
He jumped into the closet to wait out the chaos.
***
Videl had gone back downstairs to get her purse that she had left. She heard weird noises coming from the closet and tip-toed over to investigate.
"Hello?" he called softly. "Is anyone in there?"
There was some shuffling and some faint groaning. Then someone answered. "No!"
"Bulma-san?" Videl flung open the door and jumped back as two figures collapsed on the floor. "Bulma!" She looked closer. "And Yamcha?! Oh dear..."
Bulma looked at her solemnly. "Don't tell Veggie, 'kay?"
"I don't know If I can not tell him."
"Just do it!" Then she and Yamcha started giggling all over again as Nike commercials popped into their heads.
Yamcha's face was covered in lipstick and both their clothes were in disarray. They both stood and started towards the stairs groping in spaces that Videl wished she had rather not seen.
"Oh boy," she said aloud to herself wearily. "There's going to be some trouble in the morning."
***
Juuhachi-gou got up from where she was laying. It turned out that she really didn't like this room at all and wanted to switch with someone. Going out into the hallway, she picked a door and entered. Spotting ChiChi asleep on the bed, she quietly moved over to her.
'She won't mind if we switch. I can pick her up and move her without her even knowing.' Lifting her gently she walked over to the other room, placed her on the bed, and returned in record time. 'Now I can get some sleep...'
Five minutes later sleep had claimed her and a figure entered the room. Laying down beside her he poked at her.
"Honey?" the figure whispered. "Are you asleep?"
"G'way." Juu-chan mumbled. The figure shrugged and turned fluffed his pillow to get more comfortable.
"Good night Videl."
"Good night Gohan."
***
Krillin hummed off key as he continued his search for the wife-stealer. Giving up persuit after a while he returned to the room that his Juu-chan was in. He raised his eyebrow because he swore her hair was darker but that was probably just a trick of the light. Yawning he took off his shoes and laid down, pulling the covers up to his chin. Without even bothering to say goodnight, he was fast asleep.
***
"This is great!" Trunks exclaimed, snickering. He held a camcorder in one hand and just a plain sound recorder in the other.
Goten replaced the film in his camera and looked around for more unsuspected people. Even Marron had a camera, a digital one, so that they could put these pictures on the internet quickly.
Pan and Bra were trailing behind with cameras of their own. Their job was to photograph people in those "hard-to-reach" places (i.e. under beds) that the older ones couldn't fit in. Trunks have in after Bra threatened to tell their mother the whole thing. They split up in the hallway and each took a room.
***
The next day was one of the worst that Vegeta had ever felt. He had drank over 25 glasses of punch but it was worth it to beat that jinzouningen. His head pounding, he rolled over and hugged his wife closer to him.
'Wait a minute.... Did she put on weight or something?' Reaching out with his senses he tried to sense her ki but couldn't. In fact he couldn't feel anyone's ki. The person he was hugging rolled over to face him, snorted, stirred a bit, and relaxed. Slowly Vegeta opened his eyes a little frightened at what he would see.
"OH MY KAMI!"
***
ChiChi snuggled in her Goku's embrace for a moment before she realized that Goku didn't cuddle EVER. She reached back a hand and ran it along the persons body.
Head. Torso. She blushed at the next one and moved on. Legs. Feet. She blinked at the last two. 'My Goku's missing about two and half feet!'
She sat up and looked over. 'At least he's male and also has black hair but it doesn't spike up. The only person whose hair is black and lays down flat is...'
"KRILLIN!"
***
Trunks woke up from the various bloodcurdling screams her heard. He poked Goten (who was sleeping on the floor) in his side and gave him a thumbs up.
"Phase Two is now complete."
***
Yamcha yawned hugely and hugged the person who was laying on top of him closer. 'That's funny. I don't remember going out on a date yesterday. I thought I went to Bulma's hou--' The he opened his eyes.
"BULMA!"
And she was butt naked.
And on second glance he noticed that he was as well.
***
"Get away of me you freak!" Vegeta jumped up while grabbing the sheets. "What the hell are you doing in my bed?"
Goku blinked the sleep from his eyes and looked at Vegeta blearily. "Your bed? You mean you're not ChiChi?"
"Kakarott no baka! Does it look like I'm your silly human wife?"
"Iie. I guess you aren't." Goku stood and pulled his pants over his boxers. "Well, I'll be going now."
"You do that." Vegeta replied shakily. "Just answer one question for me: Did we do anything last night?"
Goku's forehead creased with thought and he shook his head no. "Besides you cuddling up to me and saying ai shiteru absolutely nothing happened." He grinned suddenly and decided to tease Vegeta further. "I didn't know that you cared Veggie-chan!"
The short saiyan blushed and grabbed the a lamp on the bedside table. "Unless you want this through your skull you will leave now."
Goku grinned again and ran out of the room.
***
Trunks, Goten, Marron, Pan, and Bra came downstairs to get something to eat and found that Videl, Gohan, and Juu-chan were already there making mounds of blueberry pancakes, bacon, sausage, scrambled eggs, and other breakfast foods. Actually Gohan was the one cooking believe it or not and his wife & Juuhachi-gou were getting out dishes and setting out the food.
"Ohayo!" Videl sang cheerfully. Since she wasn't that drunk last night so she didn't really have a headache only mild discomfort. Gohan was the same way and since Juu-chan was an artificial human, the after effects didn't linger long.
Trunks and his two accomplices blinked in confusion. Gohan was in the same bed as Juuhachi-gou! Why were they acting so civil toward each other.
As if Gohan read their thoughts he spoke. "I sensed everything."
They froze.
"Since I had already suspected what had happened, Juu-chan and I weren't mad at each other. Once I explained it that is." he absently rubbed at a light bruise on his cheek. "Did you know that she has a mean left hook?"
Goten's eyes widened and began to plead. "Niichan! Please don't tell Kaasan! It was them!" he pointed at Trunks & Marron frantically. "It was all their fault!"
The two he accused smacked him in the back of the head.
"If we're going down we're taking you with us." Trunks growled.
Marron crossed her arms and nodded in agreement.
"Relax," Videl said. "No harm done."
Then the others arrived.
"ChiChi I said I was sorry! You didn't have to hit me with that frying pan so hard!" Krillin whined.
"It was the principle of the whole thing!" The two grabbed a plate and some silverware & took a seat at the table.
Vegeta and Goku were next. The short saiyan, who was still in his boxers, was whispering to Goku as he got a plate. "You better not tell anyone what happened!"
"Hai Veggie! I can keep a secret you know."
"Good."
They also took seats; Goku next to ChiChi and Vegeta as far away from them as he could get which put him next to Bra.
Yamcha was next. Vegeta's head jerked up at something but just dismissed it as his imagination. That was until Bulma came into the room.
The midget saiyan stood up and pointed an accusing finger at his mate. "You had sex with that *weakling* last night!"
Her eyes widened. "Nani?" she sputtered. She tried to cover up her guilt with feigned innocence. "What are you talking about?"
His eyes bored into her. "You smell like him and he smells like you. You also have the odor of sex clinging to both of you."
"You can SMELL things like that?!" She hadn't gotten to take a shower yet and she had on her nightgown and a silk robe.
"Of course. All saiyans can."
Without looking up from his plate Goku decided to put his two cents in. "He's right you know. You did have sex."
"Well thank you Goku!" Bulma said sarcastically. Then she noticed that during the whole conversation Yamcha had disappeared. 'Well, that was probably for the best.'
Gohan took a seat and glanced at Trunks, Marron, and Goten pointedly. "You know that someone spiked the punch don't you?"
Everyone's heads snapped up. "NANI?" they exclaimed in unison.
The demi-saiyan nodded. Then the three hurriedly excused themselves.
Bulma glared. "It was *you* three wasn't it?"
Then chairs were suddenly being scraped against the floor as their occupants stood.
"You what you need to do, don't you?" Gohan asked.
"Hai," Trunks gulped. "RUN!"
And so the chase was on.
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