PRETTY SAIYAN SAILOR SCOUTS

Part Two: Swing Your Partner

by Magnes

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine.

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SAILOR SAVOY: Are we there yet?

(Sailor V just glares and doesn't bother answering.  Rice Cake hasn't stopped laughing and is driving her nuts and her spiked heels are already hurting her feet.  What sadist thought they could fight in heels?  Whomever designed this uniform was probably the same cretin that destroyed the Vegetable Kingdom back on Vegeta, leaving just him...uh, her and these four warriors as the last remnants of the Saiyan race.  She glowered, still not able to get used to the stupid idea of changing to a female just to do battle and unable to stop thinking of herself and the others as "he.")

RICE CAKE: Hey, Daddy!  Look!

(Sailor V ignores them as they fly at top speed to New Tokyo, trying to come up with a more original plan than just kicking the crap out of the Ginyu Force.  Then again, it always worked, so why mess with a good thing?)

SAILOR ROMAINE: Karotta, rein in that spawn of yours!

SAILOR KAROTTA: Gee, you guys are as much fun as going to the dentist.

(Sailor V finally glances back, looking at Karotta and Romaine.  Twins.  Except for Karottas's lighter coloring, they were two peas in a pod.    There was a story there, and if Sailor V actually cared, she might be interested in it.  Still, Karotta had whupped all their butts at one point or another so V tended to afford her a bit more respect than the others, if only to avoid being embarrassed.  So long as she listened... not that it would occur to Karotta to disobey, luckily...  She winces as Rice Cake laughs some more.  Can't get there soon enough...)

(They land a bit later in a plaza in New Tokyo.  Clearly the Ginyu Goons have swept through because the place is a mess and they know for a fact that Godzilla is vacationing in the Bahamas.)

SAILOR RADITZIA: Hey, look!  By that flower stall!

(They look.  Five distinct and ugly, bulky forms cluster around a flower vendor.  They're arguing.)

SAILOR V: Great.  Here we go again. Who wants to lay odds we beat them up?

SAILOR KAROTTA: I call dibs on the orange one!

SAILOR RADITZIA: No fair!  I wanted that one!

SAILOR ROMAINE: You only want him because you knew Karotta would.

GULDO: Look!  It's the Saiyan Scouts!

CAPTAIN GINYU: Quick!  Just how we practiced!

(They flex.  They posture. They pose.  They look like the biggest asses on God's earth.  They're deadly serious as they finish their cheerleading routine.)

TOGETHER: We are the GINYU FORCE!

SAILOR ROMAINE: Y'know, they'd make a nice fountain.

RECOOME (tightly, so only his fellow morons can hear): Hear that?  She likes me!

BERTER: In your dreams, Recoome.  She likes ME.

(Sailor V draws a deep, bored breath.)

SAILOR V: Alright.  Karotta, you take the tangerine-

SAILOR KAROTTA: Yesssss!

SAILOR V: Romaine, take blue boy. Savoy, you've got the bad haircut, Ditz you handle the garden gnome and I'll take the jerk with handle bars.

RICE CAKE: What about me?

SAILOR V: Back us up.

RICE CAKE: Alright.  Be careful, Daddy.

SAILOIR DITZ (to Romaine): Wanna trade?

SAILOR ROMAINE: Yeah.  With Vegemita.

SAILOR SAVOY: Geez - another run!  Ugh! Gonna do your speech, Princess?

SAILOR V: No.  Just get in there and pulverize them.  I want to get this over fast, these shoes are killing my feet.

SAILOR KAROTTA: Okay!  Flaming Carrot Spiral Emulsion!

(Without further ado she launches herself at Jayce full force, cracking him across the kisser and all but sending him into a low orbit.)

RECOOME: Ow!  That's gotta hurt.

SAILOR SAVOY: Not like this is about to!

(A grand old fight ensues in true Sailor Moon / DBZ crossover fashion complete with lots of kicks, punches, curses, insults, questioning of the opponent's parentage / sister / genealogy, bodies flying, energy blasts, bad commentary from the Ginyu Force and snappy answers from the Saiyan Scouts, catchy background music, and occasional screams / grunts / growls / ooofs to cover gaps in the dialog.  Somehow, though, the Saiyan Scouts get the impression that there's more to this fight than five Barishnakov wanna-be's coming to New Tokyo to trash the joint for fun.  They're right.)

SAILOR ROMAINE(attacking Berter): Vegetarian Shishkabob Flambé!

BERTER (dodging Romaine's attack): Your hair is stunning.

SAILOR ROMAINE: What?

BERTER: Busy this Saturday?

SAILOR ROMAINE: WHAT!?!?!?

(A few yards away from her twin, Karotta is going at it hot and heavy with Jayce.  Fighting, that is.)

JAYCE: I'm really glad you picked me, Sailor Karotta.  We make a cute couple, what with your hair and my skin.

SAILOR KAROTTA: Gack!

JAYCE: I could tell you like anything orange...fancy dinner and a dance?

SAILOR KAROTTA: Gack!

(Ditz is pounding Guldo and he's enjoying it far too much.)

GULDO: Sailor Raditzia, may I...may I...stroke your tail?

SAILOR DITZ: Aaaaagh!  You perverted frog!

(Cracks him one with said tail.)

GULDO (as he sails away): Does this mean you'll go out with me?

RECOOME: Hey, Sailor Savoy, watch me lift this sky scraper...

SAILOR SAVOY: No.

RECOOME: Hey, those sneakers are really sexy.  Did you know purple is my favorite color?

SAILOR SAVOY: I don't care.

RECOOME: Eight o'clock good for you this Saturday?

(Meanwhile....)

Sailor V: Eeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!

(Whammo, she clocks Captain Ginyu.  Or tries to.  He catches her fist.)

CAPTAIN GINYU: Did you know you're beautiful when you're angry, Princess?

SAILOR V: Ew!  Don't call me that!

CAPTAIN GINYU: I can't help it, Princess Vegemita...You ARE beautiful.

SAILOR V: No, you pea-wit, don't call me "Princess!"   And don't call me beautiful, either!  What's wrong with you?  Don't you want to fight?

CAPTAIN GINYU: No!  Say you'll go out with me!

SAILOR V: Ew!  Gross!  No!

(He gets a gleam in his eyes.  Vegeta - not Sailor V or Princess Vegemita, but Vegeta- is horrified.)

CAPTAIN GINYU: Did you know on my home planet "ewgrossno" means  "Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, my little cuddle bug of burning passion"?

SAILOR V: Well here it means, "Sayonara, sucker!"  Vega-Vita-Vitamin Attack!

(She blasts him at point-blank range.  Ginyu is knocked on his butt.)

SAILOR V: Saiyan Scouts!  Fall back!

(Jayce and the others join Ginyu as the Saiyan Scouts beat a hasty retreat.)

JAYCE: Think it'll work?

CAPTAIN GINYU: They'll be back.

~~~*~~~

(Meanwhile, Puar hangs up the phone.)

PUAR: Oolong!

OOLONG: Yeah, what?

PUAR: Yamcha and Tien are going shopping with Chi-chi and Bulma and he invited us along.  Want to go?

OOLONG: Alright.

PUAR: Oolong....

OOLONG: I promise I'll stay out of the lingerie section, Pu'ar!