A Light in the Darkness - Part 73: Secrets of the Past
by Mia Skywalker & Wataruo

PAIRING: Yamcha/Hakusai
RATING: G
WARNINGS: none
C&C: Please! ^_^
DISCLAIMER: Neither of us owns any of the DBZ characters or anything about DBZ, but we both wish we owned the Saiyans. All of them. At least all of the ones with hair. And yes, we're including Yamcha and Ryouga in that, now you know. Dragonball Z and the associated characters are owned by Toei, Viz, Akira Toriyama, and FUNimation, even though the last one is a crying shame. Ranma 1/2 and the character of Ryouga Hibiki are owned by Viz, Rumiko Takahashi, and some Japanese studio I don't know the name of. We do own what we've written here, and our specific storyline, just not Dragonball or Ranma 1/2 themselves. We make no money off of any of these guys, nor off this fic. We just have fun writing it. Oh, I guess we do own Hakusai and Serori. But I doubt anyone cares. ^_~
SUMMARY: We finally learn what Hakusai has been keeping secret.  Can the two lovers make it past the problems that arise? ^_^ 
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT: Thank you to Lady Lark, Selenity Jade and W-chan, for beta-ing this. 

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Last time on Dragonball Z: A Light in the Darkness....

Everyone learned something bizarre about Ryouga. Yamcha and Vegeta retrieved the lost boy, and Vegeta and Bulma had a little private 'play time'.

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

Hakusai rolled over, looked at the clock and groaned. ::How in the hell could I have slept that long?:: she wondered, as she sat up and stretched. The female Saiyan couldn't remember whether extreme fatigue was part of being pregnant. It had never occurred to her to ask, considering the fact that Saiyan females had always had the fetus removed and placed in a medical facility where it would grow until it was ready to be 'born'.

Hakusai gave a slight smile. ::I'd better not mention that to Yamcha. He would really love that.:: She swung her legs out of bed and got dressed, unconsciously checking to see where her mate had gone. She was relieved to find that he was eating with his brother in the kitchen. ::Typical male.:: Her mouth twitched with repressed laughter. ::Always eating.::

She made her way there, fighting off the urge to go back to bed, and walked into the room just as the two were finishing their meal. "Getting acquainted, are we?" she asked.

"Well, sort of." Yamcha smiled at her, pleased that she was awake. "He got lost last night, and we ended up going all the way to Australia to find him." At her puzzled expression, Yamcha explained. "That's practically on the other side of the world from here."

"How in the hell did you do that? You fly that fast, do you?" Hakusai asked sitting down next to them.

Ryouga shook his head, looking somewhat embarrassed. "Uh... no. I just walked. I don't usually fly."

Yamcha shook his head. "No, something happened. We're going to ask Bulma to find out what happened." Yamcha looked brightly at her, changing the subject. "Hey! What was with you this morning? I tried to wake you, but it was like you were in a coma or something!"

Hakusai blinked, barely managing to cover her surprise. "Nani?" ::That's odd,:: she thought to herself. Normally she was a light sleeper, even the slightest noise would rouse her. "I guess I was just tired." She frowned, not realizing that her expression was easy to read, especially to Yamcha who was watching her uneasily. "Did you two leave me anything for breakfast?"

"Well...." Yamcha scratched the back of his head, then reprogrammed the food dispensers to make more for Hakusai. "Here!" he announced as tray after tray of food began to appear before them, almost as fast as he could pull them out. "There's plenty more where that came from!"

"These things would have been a hit back on Vegeta-sei," Hakusai said, digging into her food. "Bulma could have made a small fortune. Not that she needs it, mind you."

Yamcha blinked at her in confusion, taking her literally. "She's already made a large fortune. But the dispensers aren't limitless. You need to put something in them first, I think. I don't really know how they work. I don't think she sells them anywhere. I don't know why. She said that they're dangerous in the wrong hands or something. Something about being able to be turned into weapons if the person knows what they're doing."

"Weapons?" Hakusai paused, frowning into her plate. She closed he eyes as a vague memory of laughing brown eyes informed her that he could turn anything into a weapon. ::Then again, he was a weapons specialist.:: She looked up and found Yamcha's eyes studying her intently. "Gomen nasai. I was being nostalgic."

He stared at her a moment longer, then decided to change the subject. Something told him that he didn't want to know anything more. "All right, when you're done eating, let's go see Bulma. Oh! She said she had something to show you, anyway. She wanted to see you some time today."

The three of them finished eating and headed out to the lab. Fortunately by the time they got there, both Vegeta and Bulma were fully clothed again. Hakusai could smell the scent of intense sex in the air, and smiled secretively, but sensed that neither of the two males with her recognized the smell for what it was.

"Hey, Bulma!" Yamcha greeted her with a wave. "You said you needed to see Hakusai today? She finally woke up!"

Bulma blinked in surprise. She had almost forgotten about what she had needed Hakusai to see. "Oh, that's right! Hakusai, would you mind sitting down for a few minutes? I have something I have to show you." She shot Vegeta a look, telling him without words that she wanted him to stick around... just in case.

Hakusai plopped down in a chair. "Now I am curious," she said, crossing her ankles and leaning back. "What are you going to show me?"

Bulma watched her, her face enigmatically expressionless. "Just this." She turned to the Saiyan computer system, and tapped several keys. To the surprise of the Saiyans - especially Hakusai and Ryouga, who hadn't seen this before - a hologram appeared in front of them. As before, when Yamcha had first seen it, they saw Yamcha's mother holding up an infant, and she began to speak.

"Kami," Hakusai breathed out in an angry whisper. She stood up abruptly. "I don't need to see any more of this." Her tone of voice, as well as her mannerisms, put the others immediately on alert.

Vegeta frowned. "You know her?" he asked, wondering if they should pause the hologram that was still speaking in the background.

"I wish I didn't," Hakusai announced stiffly before heading for the door.

"Wait!" Yamcha demanded, causing Hakusai to pause. The hologram's voice continued, as the figure proceeded to hold up the holographic infant in her arms. "How do you know my mother?"

Bulma sighed. She had suspected that Hakusai might have known Yamcha's mother, but she hadn't realized how the other woman felt about her. ::This may be more difficult than I'd expected.::

Hakusai had been afraid of that. She paused in the doorway, hugging herself with her arms. "How do you know she is?" she asked, ignoring Yamcha's question. "Where did you find this?"

Yamcha blinked. "Because she said she is," he replied in confusion. "Bulma said so, too."

Bulma simply watched Hakusai intently, saying nothing. "Maybe you should watch the entire thing. Without making any more judgments. I think you might find it... interesting."

Ryouga was staring at the hologram. At each of the others' words his eyes had widened in surprise, but now he was staring at the woman in front of him intently. His hand moved towards her, and the hologram flickered as it passed through her. "Is she... she's my mother too, isn't she?" he asked softly, in a choked voice.

Bulma nodded, her face softening as she looked over at him. She had wanted him to see this too, knowing that she would be as important to him as she was to Yamcha, but she hadn't expected Hakusai's reaction. If she had, she would have had them watch it separately. "She is," she said gently. "And the baby she holds right now, that's your brother. That's Yamcha."

"I don't need to hear anything else that woman says," Hakusai snapped before stepping out the door. "Sumanu, Yamcha."

"Go after her." Vegeta turned abruptly to Yamcha. "I do not think I like her state of mind right now."

Yamcha was glaring at the door that Hakusai had closed behind her, looking angrier than they had seen him in a long time. "No, I don't think I will," he said flatly. At Bulma's startled expression, he relented and explained. "This is my mother, and if she refuses to accept that, then she's refusing to accept me. I'm not going to fight her about that. Either she accepts me completely, or she can't accept me at all." The others could see how much his own words were hurting him, but they had the sense that in this instance he was not going to back down.

Vegeta shrugged. "You do not know what happened between them. But it is your funeral," he told Yamcha, leaning back against the table.

The anger on Yamcha's face flickered slightly, and he looked at them uncertainly. "You think?"

Bulma arched an eyebrow. "Maybe you should find out, Yamcha. Something's obviously bothering her. Don't you feel you owe it to her to ask what it is?"

Yamcha glanced back at the door, then looked toward the ground. "But she's my mother!" he muttered to himself.

"And she's your...." Bulma shrugged. "Well, whatever you are to each other, if she's important to you, you need to talk to her. Communication is probably the most important thing to keep a relationship going."

Yamcha glanced up at her guiltily. He hadn't been one for 'communication' much when they were younger. He had always been too wrapped up in himself to pay enough attention to anyone else, and he knew that had been part of what had cost them their relationship. That, and that they each had been destined to be with someone else. And his someone else had left a few minutes ago, obviously angry, and he suspected in great pain. "All right, I'll go," he said somewhat reluctantly, as he headed towards the door.

::At least one of us knows what to say.:: Vegeta raised an eyebrow as Bulma turned her head to look at him. ::She is my sister. If they start avoiding each other, you know what will happen to them. I would rather not lose my family.::

Bulma blinked at him in surprise. Did Vegeta just admit that he actually cared about someone? Other than himself? ::I know what will happen. I wonder what happened to Hakusai when she met Yamcha's mother?:: Bulma turned towards Ryouga, who looked like he was trying to merge into the furniture. "Why don't we watch the rest of the recording?" she asked him gently. "We've seen it, but I think you should too." At his nod, she pressed a button, restarting the recording from the beginning.

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Outside, Hakusai leaned back against the wall, taking in deep, gasping breaths. It surprised her how angry she still was. She had been but a girl when she had met Kabu, but the older woman's taunts, even though years ago, were as fresh as if she had spoken them days before. ::I wonder if I am being childish. That was a long time ago. Who is to say if she is even still alive....::

Yamcha saw Hakusai standing not too far away from the lab. She was leaning against the wall, her face buried in her arms, her shoulders slumped. ::Is she crying?:: he wondered, surprised. "Hakusai?" he said softly, trying not to startle her.

Hakusai gulped in a breath, angry with herself for giving in to her emotions. "Nani?" she whispered, cursing herself for not being able to get under control.

"Hakusai.... Hakusai, are you all right? Are you going to tell me what happened?" He was trying to ask her as gently as he could, but he was never very good at being subtle. "I mean, you got all strange in there. How do you know my mother? What did she do to you?"

"Nothing that should matter." ::But it does, it still hurts. After all this time, it still hurts.:: "I am sorry, I guess I overreacted." She lifted her head. "I met Kabu, several years ago. She was..." She trailed off, wiping her face with the back off her hand. "Let's just say we didn't get along very well."

Yamcha looked at her in confusion. He saw the traces of tears on her cheeks, and knew that despite her claims, something had happened. Without even thinking about it, he scooped Hakusai up, and sat down with her in his lap, cradling her the way one would a small child. "Hakusai, you need to be honest with me," he murmured against her hair. "If you're not honest, what do we have? You need to tell me what happened. Please?"

Hakusai let herself be held, needing the comfort that Yamcha was offering, but that she didn't know how to ask for. She leaned her head on his chest, closing her eyes, and took a deep breath to steady herself. "You would think that after all these years, I would be over this," she mumbled to herself, trying not to cry. "But I guess I am not. It still hurts, even now it still hurts. I just don't know where to start." She paused a minute, trying to gather in her thoughts, wondering what she should tell him and what information to keep to herself. "You might not like what I tell you."

Yamcha blinked. He was tempted to tell her that she didn't have to say anything in that case. He didn't like hearing things that were unpleasant, and he had the feeling that whatever she was about to tell him, he would find it distinctly unpleasant. But somehow... he sensed that would be the wrong thing to do. He could feel something happening, something he didn't like. He could feel a rift forming between them, and instinctively knew that if she kept it to herself, the rift would only widen. Obviously something had happened with respect to his mother, and he knew that if they didn't resolve this soon, it would only get worse.

"Tell me," he whispered softly, going against all of his instincts. "What happened, anata? What happened between the two of you that hurt you so badly?" He hoped it wasn't too horrible. He felt a tug towards his mother, and knew that despite everything that had happened, he still adored her as much as he had when he was a very young child. ::Even after she abandoned me, she said she loved me. I know it hurt her to do that. I don't really understand it, but I can't help it. I love her anyway.:: He stroked Hakusai's back gently, trying to reassure her. ::I hope that it's not something unforgivable.::

Hakusai sighed, battling with herself. ::It is his right,:: came the sudden thought. ::If you don't tell him.....:: She shivered, leaving the thought unfinished, not wanting to contemplate what would happen if he chose his mother over her. "I guess I'll start at the beginning...." Hakusai closed her eyes, not really wanting to see his expression as she spoke.

"I think I told you my father was not pleased that his first-born was a female. A female ruler was unthinkable, no matter how high my ki was. But it was my ki that eventually saved me. He didn't want to kill me off, I was potentially too good of a fighter for that, so he sent me along with a bodyguard named Shinjo to Kassan." Hakusai opened her eyes and smiled. "I still remember how mad I was. Here I was, Saiyan nobility, and I was being sent away to a planet I had never heard of, to be babysat by someone who was not Saiyan. Even though I was very young - about four or five - I was a real pain in the ass."

She gave a short laugh. "I can remember the first time I saw him, waiting by the transport ship. For the first time in my life I was speechless. It wasn't that he was physically intimidating; he wasn't. Shinjo was Kassan-jin, and like many of his race, had bright red hair." Hakusai looked up. "Well, needless to say I was fascinated, and I stared, wondering out loud if he changed the color. I mean, no one in their right mind would want hair that color. Too many people could see it and so on. Do you know what he said to me?" she asked Yamcha, sounding amused. When Yamcha shook his head, she grinned. "He walked around me in a complete circle and informed me that at least his hair didn't look like he had been playing in an electric field."

Hakusai chuckled at the memory. "I was so mad that I blasted him, and of course he retaliated. That particular fight lasted for three hours. There wasn't much left of the hangar by the time we were too tired to keep it up. I think I fell in love on the spot."

Yamcha looked startled. In love? He hadn't known that Hakusai had ever been in love before. Suddenly he remembered that she had told him once that she had been bonded before as well, and that was why she understood what Vegeta and Bulma were going through. But if she had been bonded before... how could she have been bonded to him as well? "I don't think I understand, anata. What happened to him?"

"Shinjo? He stayed to beat me up daily, not to mention turn me into a halfway decent person, even though I didn't want to be. He taught me all sorts of things; how to pilot a freighter, how to control my ki, and most importantly, Shinjo taught me that there were more important things in the universe than being the strongest. Caring for someone and having that person care for you was something so priceless you couldn't buy it." Hakusai sighed. "When I was fifteen, he asked me to marry him. I think he was prepared to do anything to convince me that he was good enough for me. Even to the point that we could settle it the Saiyan way, we would fight and if he won, he would be my husband. I just asked him if he loved me." Hakusai took a deep breath before continuing. "All he managed to get out of his mouth was 'yes' before I pounced on him. He didn't get much sleep that night."

Yamcha listened to Hakusai's story curiously, but at the same time was confused. She had said she was going to tell him why she hated his mother, what his mother had done to her, but so far all she had done was tell him about her first husband. He swallowed painfully at the thought that she had been married before, and wondered if she still loved her first husband. Obviously she did, since she had mentioned how painful it was for her to think about, but.... His thoughts were interrupted as she continued to speak.

"We were married about a month later. I was happier than I'd ever been in my life. I had everything that I wanted, and a man that loved me. Even though Shinjo never bonded to me, I knew that he did love me. He took every opportunity to show me how much. It was the way he was. A year after our marriage we received news that Frieza had destroyed Vegeta-sei and that no one had survived."

Hakusai threaded her fingers through Yamcha's and sighed. "The funny thing was, I wasn't all that upset. Oh, I was mad that Frieza had used us, and the fact that he killed my father and my little brother was unforgivable. But I knew that I was nowhere near his power level, and going after him would have been suicidal. So I stayed on Kassan, working for a freighter company. I was just happy to be with my mother, who had managed to escape to us because she had been off-world when it exploded. I should have known that kind of happiness doesn't last. When I was eighteen, I met your mother." Hakusai sighed. "I have no idea how she even knew I was there. It wasn't like I advertised my existence. I told no one that I was the daughter of the King. Most people assumed that I had lost the will to fight. Maybe, just maybe, I had. You see, Kabu was much older than I was, several decades I'd say. Lots of battle experience that I didn't have. She had this... harshness to her that I didn't understand."

Yamcha was still confused. She had finally gotten around to mentioning his mother, but he still didn't understand what this had to do with her first husband. Or what he had to do with Yamcha's mother... Kabu, was that her name?

"Anata? What does this have to do with my mother?" he asked quietly. "Or I mean, what does all that about your first husband," he swallowed heavily, "have to do with my mother? I don't understand...."

Hakusai looked down at her lap, her free hand plucking at the cloth of her outfit. "Your mother was gathering troops to go and defeat Frieza. She wanted revenge, you see. She had been one of my father's lovers. I don't think she even liked my father, but losing one's planet makes you do strange things. I refused, telling her she was an idiot." Hakusai gave a bitter laugh. "If I had gone, maybe Shinjo wouldn't be dead now. Then again...."

She trailed off, getting her emotions under control. "Kabu came by several times, trying to convince me that it was my duty. That being planet-bound had made me soft. That I was a coward not to want to fight. Each time I told her politely that I didn't want anything to do with a suicide mission. The last time she came, I don't think she was willing to take no for an answer."

"Your mother and I fought verbally. Eventually it got so loud and heated that people came to see what the problem was. You see, at the time I had a reputation for being the mellowest Saiyan in the universe. I had never fought in a real battle; I had never killed. Shinjo, being the kind of man he was, came in to see what all the hollering was about. Unfortunately, he had really bad timing." Hakusai took a deep breath, trying desperately to maintain control. "He came in just in time to see one of Kabu's troops fire a ki blast at me for some insulting remark I had made about her leadership qualities, and without thinking he jumped in front of me." Hakusai trembled in Yamcha's embrace and snuggled closer to him, seeking comfort.

"The bakayaro, if he had thought about it, he would have known the blast would not have been fatal to me. Granted, it would have hurt a bit, but it would not have been seriously damaging. His body took the blast entirely. He... he... died right in my arms, I can still remember how he smiled up at me and told me that he never regretted marrying me." Hakusai's voice finally gave out as her body was racked with sobs.

Yamcha didn't know what to say. He stared out in the distance in shocked silence, simply holding Hakusai in his arms, rocking her gently. He knew what it was like to lose friends and loved ones that way, having them get killed like that, but always in the past there had been the dragonballs for them to bring their friends back. Only a few times had that been impossible. But to lose someone, and know there was no way to bring the person back.... Yamcha continued to rock her, making soft sounds of reassurance, as he felt her weeping in his arms. "Sshhh.... It's all right. It'll be all right, anata. Everything will be all right."

"I was devastated," she managed to get out. Her heart ached at the memory. "And I let my emotions rule my actions. I was so angry. Iie...." She shook her head. "Iie, what I felt was too strong to be anger. It was so intense that I let it control my actions, and for the first time in many years I truly acted like a Saiyan."

Hakusai blinked back tears and took a breath to steady myself. "I stood up calmly and faced my husband's killer. The bastard had taken the one thing from me that could never be replaced, and I realized that I would never rest until I had killed him. I wanted blood. I wanted it so badly I could taste it."

"My memory gets a little... hazy after that. I remember the way my power level spiked, the shocked looks on all their faces as I stood there, glaring at them as if they were not of my race but some kind of dangerous insects that needed to be squashed. And squash them I did." She looked up and gave Yamcha a weak smile. "You see I had done something that no one in a thousand years had done. I had gone Super Saiyan."

The warrior fell silent for a minute, gathering her thoughts. "I killed him. I was fairly brutal about it. I toyed with him before I took his life. I wanted to make sure he knew hell before I sent him there. And no one interfered. Afterwards..." her voice caught, as fresh tears began to flow. "Afterwards, when I had calmed down, when I realized what I had done, what had happened to my Shinjo, I went to my husband's body and cried. Cried for my loss, cried for the fact that I had killed my first person, wept for the fact that things would never be the same for me again." She laughed bitterly. "Me, a Saiyan, crying. That was bad enough, but to actually show emotion for someone else was something that no other Saiyan would ever do or ever understand." She shuddered, no longing caring how hard she was crying. "I suppose she considered that unforgivable. Her expression was something that I will never forget. Even though she said nothing as she turned and left with the rest of her people, I could tell what she thought of me. She didn't need to say anything. She thought I was a weak, emotional coward, not worthy of the strength I had gained."

Hakusai turned in Yamcha's embrace, holding onto him with a grip that would have broken almost anyone's ribs, and rested her head against his chest. "Maybe she was right. Maybe I was a coward. After all, what good had that hidden power done me when I could not save the person who meant more to me than my own life? I did not want to live. I went into bonding withdrawal, and was content to starve myself to death."

"Bonding withdrawal?" Yamcha was confused. "But I thought... I thought you said he hadn't bonded to you?" He was confused about a lot of things that she had told him, but decided to start off with the question that was really bothering him the most. If she loved her first husband that much... then was there anything left for him? He was afraid to ask her, though, so tried to approach it indirectly.

"Shinjo did not bond to me," she whispered. "But I did. I bonded to him. It was enough to trigger those symptoms we are familiar with. Had Shinjo bonded to me the way that you and I have..." She shivered and tightened her embrace. "I would not have snapped out of it. I would have been successful in killing myself."

Yamcha swallowed heavily. "Do you still love him?" he asked so quietly that she almost didn't hear, finally getting up the courage to ask the one question that mattered most to him.

Hakusai opened her eyes and looked up at him. She heard the concern in his voice when he spoke and knew what was bothering him. "I love you," she said, snuggling her face against his chest. "You do not have to worry about that. Shinjo was extremely important to me. I think that part of me will always love him. I don't want a replacement for him." She lifted her head and looked up at her, touching his face with her fingertips. "I'll probably never feel that way for anyone else, but I can feel more. I do feel more. I want you. Believe me, onegai."

Yamcha bowed his head, closing his eyes almost in shame. He knew that she loved him. Even if she didn't love him as much as her first husband, still... he shouldn't be jealous. He still cared for Bulma, after all, and Hakusai never questioned that. And he knew that no matter what, he could never leave Hakusai. He would take whatever she could give him.

To be continued.....

~~~~~*~~~~~

And in the next exciting episode of DragonBall Z: A Light in the Darkness... Vegeta vs. Chi-Chi - the fight of the century! ^_^